I mentioned in last week’s blog a little bit about how I felt I have failed as a mother. One of those reasons is because my oldest daughter is currently an opioid statistic, and we are raising her two little boys, Cason, and Alec. She is alive, but I have had to bury her in my mind and grieve the loss, just to maintain my sanity. At this moment, we have no idea where she is.
Cason is only ten years old, but he has wisdom and discernment beyond his years. For whatever reason, as unfit a mother as I thought I was, God has placed me back into the position of motherhood. Yes, my Lord and I have ‘words’ about this often. He always wins the argument though. There is now a name for a family in our situation. We are officially known as a Grandfamily. I like it.
Because none of my children are in church today, and they were raised in church since they were in my womb, I am not pushing my grandsons to be in church now. I try to ‘live’ the truth in front of them daily, and they see me go to church faithfully. Sometimes they will come with me, but not as often as I would like. Even still, I believe I am doing something right, because the questions about God are starting to come.
On our way to a doctor’s appointment, Cason and I were alone in the car just talking about whatever topic arose. I believe we were discussing why people do the awful things they do, so I mentioned how we would all do well to follow the Ten Commandments. His reply of “What are the Ten Commandments?”, triggered a flashing, neon message in my mind. I had failed to share the Ten Commandments with my grandsons!
While waiting in the doctor’s office, I pulled out my phone and shared these ten rules for living with him, pointing out that the first four have to do with our relationship with God, and the rest have to do with our relationship with each other. As any child would, he looked at each one and said, “I’ve done that, I haven’t done that, etc.” I shared with him how that in God’s eyes, if we have broken one commandment, we have broken them all. A sin is a sin is a sin.
But just as God will forgive us for when we have lied or have been envious of what others have, he will also forgive the murderer, the adulterer, and the thief. All he asks from us is that with truly repentant hearts, we will seek his forgiveness, then strive daily to follow his commands. He knows that we, being human, will make mistakes every single day. But he also loves us and is merciful and will continue to forgive us if our hearts are sincere. He also expects us to show this same mercy to our fellow man.
With his eyes open wide and full of questions, I went on to explain about the ‘God shaped hole’ in each of us. “As our Creator, God placed within each of us a hole that is meant to be filled with him alone. Many of us try to fill it with stuff like food, alcohol, ‘love’ (sex), drugs (Cason knows about his mother), things like video games (that hit home), or just about anything else that we think will make us happy.” I told him that we need to fill that space with God alone, or we will never feel complete, or truly know the joy God intends for us to have in this life.
Our conversation continued, with him asking about the difference between heaven and hell and many other questions that popped into his little mind. I cannot write about all we discussed, or I would never end this article. All I know, is God is tugging at his heart, and I am thankful.
Along with the God shaped hole, I also shared with him something else God has given all of us, and that is free will. I told him that God will never push himself on us, and that each of us needs to choose to fill that hole with God by our own choosing. I cannot do it for him, no one in the family can do it for him. He has a free will to decide who or what he will choose to fill that hole. As we all do.
It is during these moments that God allows me to share my faith with Cason and Alec, that I concede to Him that I am okay with being placed in my current role as ‘mom’ again. It is a great responsibility, and I will not take it lightly.
The link below will take you to a “God Shaped Hole”, sung by Christian artist, Plumb. Please pay attention to the words as you listen to this wonderful song.